A few weeks ago we went to College Station to see Jack Moore from Abilene, who was one of Robert's early sponsors in his high school years. Jack was partly responsible for forming Robert's lovely personality. He is such a good old boy.
We hadn't seen Jack in 30 years and he's getting on up there in years now -- eighty-five. It was a nice visit with him, his wife, Ann, daughter, June Ford, her daughter Janie and several of Jack's grandchildren. Becky was specially glad to meet one of the grandsons, Clay, who is a senior in high school. He took her on a tour of the A&M campus which really made a hit with Becky.
It was at that visit during a weak moment that Rob and Jerre agreed to enter the great chili cook-off which was coming up October 24th in Flatonia. Jerre cooks chili at home for the family and it is good but it is not the hot, spicy, greasy, vaporizing, lava melting, belly scorching brand that you usually find at chili cook-offs.
Never-the-less we entered and the week before the contest Jerre and Rob bought all the ingredients except the meat. Jack got that from old Mack Eplen's Butcher Shop in Abilene. It was Mack Eplen's super number one chili ground brisket. They wrote a song about Old Mack Eplen, "Mack the Knife." and Jack Moore is legendary like a Pecos Bill, but those are other stories.
Jerre and Bob worked with their formula all week and practiced with cooking procedures. They named the chili "Texas-Tennessee Coalition Chili Formula MXVII."
David, David, and Jennifer planned to go to the cook off, but had to cancel at the last minute because of a big real estate deal that David had pending on Saturday. Sylvia and 'Lish talked about going but Sylvia had to work.
Bright and early Saturday morning, like 5 AM, Jerre, Bob and Beck got loaded up with the pots, cooker, utensils, ingredients, chairs and table, and headed for Flatonia which is a little over 100 miles West of Houston. Houston is 140 miles SE of Austin, and Austin is 65 miles NW of Round Top.
Well, they rolled on out and stopped in Columbus at the City Cafe for breakfast. The City Cafe is one of the few places left where a family almost any size can eat breakfast and the bill is still under $10.00.
They arrived at the neat little town of Flatonia and found all the streets blocked to traffic and everything shut down for the "Czhilispiel." They located the registration tent and were assigned their cooking spot. It turned out that there were two hundred cooks and they were lined up all up and down Flatonia's Main Street.
After some maneuvering with the traffic patrolman we were able to park our car in the cooking spot and spread our stuff out beside it. Jack and Ann showed up at the same time we did and they parked down by the lumber yard. We set up our table and chairs and started a charcoal fire in the cooker. It was soon pretty obvious what amateurs we were because everyone else was cooking with kerosene cookers and we were the only ones using charcoal.
Also we were cooking too much chili. Most everyone was cooking only two or three gallons, and we had a ten gallon pot.
Becky was assigned as the official onion chopper and that plus the smoke from the charcoal fire made her cry. She attracted several young Kikkers who wanted to rescue her from her Cinderella job. Especially they wanted to be sure that she survived so she could be at the dance that night. They asked why she was crying, and she said because she didn't want to eat her Daddy's cooking -- it made her sick and that's why she is so skinny. They asked her why she didn't eat her Mother's cooking and she said her Mother was too busy to cook.
With our charcoal fire and ten gallon pot, we had trouble browning our meat, so we decided to cut our formula to about 3/4. We finally got it all worked out and Chili started simmering pretty good.
The beer drinking started immediately on arrival. Everybody went directly past "Go" to the beer keg and that operation continued all day long and went smoothly without a hitch.
Our booth was just across from the bandstand so we had a front row at the music. This is the same band stand where Willie Nelson started and from which many other famous musicians have played.
Beck and Clay and some of the small fry went off to the kiddy rides and the armadillo races. The older ones sat around and told stories.
Jack told about the time he was eating dinner with a farm family in West Texas. The mother put a dish of butter on the table into which she stirred some good old syrup. One of the kids stuck his knife in the bowl and licked it. Then he stuck it back in and threw it on the floor.
His old Paw back-handed him out of his chair and yelled: "How many times I told yew -- Don't throw yer knife on the floor without lickin' it!"
Then old Rob told about the time he was traveling up in East Texas for Stauffer Chemical. He was looking for a Mobil Gas Plant up around Bobo and Blair. It was a hot summer day and the way was dusty and sweaty and Rob was wishing he had a cold drink of water.
He saw an old farm house by the road with a well in the yard. He stopped. It was a run down unpainted house with a rusty tin roof and a junky yard. He had his doubts but went ahead up to the door and knocked. A woman came to the door who was the dirtiest woman he had ever seen. Her dress had dirt and stains from months of wear. Her hair was greasy and stringy -- dirty hands -- dirty feet.
"What 'cher want?"
"Well, I was er... uh... thinking ... ahem. Uh, could I have a drink of water from your well?"
The husband came up behind the woman and he was just as dirty as she was. Then four little kids showed up and they were dirtier than the parents. Not only dirty clothes but soiled diapers and snotty noses as well.
Then as Rob was drawing the water from the well the old Grand Paw came around the corner from the back yard. Now that old man was so dirty he made the others look almost clean. That man was old and never had washed in his whole life.
The water was up and the community dipper was hanging there so Rob had to go ahead and get a drink.
He took the dipper and looked at it -- dipped the water -- and started twisting the dipper around the way you do, trying to drink out of a spot where no one else drinks out of it. He had it twisted around almost 360 degrees until his hand and wrist were inverted and he was drinking next to the handle on the other side when he heard one of the kids say:
"Look Maw, he drinks just like Grand Paw does."
***
Jerre was promenading around checking all the action when a handsome young feller gave her a big hug and kiss because she looked so delectable. She was all a'flutter the rest of the day. The Kikkers and Stompers were really prowling that day.
While moseying around Robert ran into Leon Hale. Robert reads Leon's column in the Houston Post every morning and often cites him in his conversations. He introduced Leon to Jerre, Jack, Ann, Beck, June, and Clay and they were glad to meet the celebrated columnist. Leon was one of the judges in the Chili Cookoff.
Our booth consisted of a card table, chairs, cooker and pot -- but most others were decorated up with a theme -- Wild men from Borneo, Convicts from Huntsville, Devils Den, Long Rifles, Civil War Canoneers ,,,
Playful Pleasure Saloon gave out free shots of Tequilla and Nachos. They were very popular.
Swiss Chalet with shots and sox... they yodeled. Hawaiians with their portable grass shack.
The Hornydillas -- Queen Bee with her drones buzzing all over the place.
Mexican Hot -- shots and many, many more.
Little shops scattered around selling coffee, Cokes, hot chocolate, Kolaches, hot dogs, nachos, hamburgers ... etc.
The portable chemical heads were a top attraction. Long lines queued before them all day.
One lady was giving free squirts of Tequila out of an enema bottle. None of our crowd would take any. Finicky stomachs.
The weatherman participated beautifully. Crisp -- cool all day -- no rain -- no heat -- no cold -- just right.
After all the chili cooking, chili tasting, walking and talking and drinking and more chili tasting we were plenty tired by five o'clock when the winners were to be announced.
We waited expectantly but when they did not call out our number we felt sure some mistake had been made. But decided not to file a protest, and just let the judging stand.
We all packed it in and headed for our respective homes about six. Jerre, Rob, and Becky headed for Houston. They stopped at Frank's -- one of the world's great highway restaurants -- in Schulenburg for supper. They had some chili and chili dogs ... then on home.
Please pass the bicarb, Pappy.
end
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