Rufus

By Robert Darnell  [Date unknown]

Listen and I'll tell you a story about a little black dog, "Rufus."

Bob and Jerre went to Chicago to visit with their fine young son, Pat, his beautiful wife, Diana, and delightful grand-daughter, Samantha.

While they were gone Rufus stayed in a hotel: The Pampered Pet Inn. His room was a 5 x 8 concrete and wire fence run -- very light, airy, and clean. He took his own sleeping equipment, sheet, food and pedigree papers.

When he checked in he was scared to death. All that yapping, clatter and noise, he had never been in before. He flopped down on the floor thinking his world had come to an end.

After Bob left the noise slackened, and all the guests settled down to a quiet conversation.

"Where you from?" they asked Rufus.

"I'm from Country Place. It's a nice open place with small trees and bushes and lots of grass," Rufus replied.

"What do you do?"

"Mostly I just lay around in the garage and sleep. I get up and bark when Bob or Jerre come around to let them know I'm guarding things. I'd wander off on the golf course but I don't because they yell at me and threaten to kick me."

"Have they ever kicked you?!"

"No."

"Well, don't worry about it. If you want to wander off, go ahead. They won't do anything but yell, and people's yells are worse than their spanks."

"What do you eat?"

"I only eat once a day -- two patties. When they put it out I stretch it out and come up slowly. Only nibble at first."

"That's no way to do it. When they are doing the food you want to come running and jumping. Get up close and almost take it out of their hand. Even maybe get a bite of the hand every once in a while. That way you'll get more attention and extra food now and then. Boy, you sure have a lot to learn about being a dog."

"Sounds good to me. I really appreciate all the tips and I'm going to start doing it that way when I get home!"

"Another thing I like to do is root around for grub worms in the grass, but they won't let do that because I tear up the yard like an armadillo. They yell and act like they are going to spank me!"

"What do you do?"

"I walk away with my tail between my legs and look back  over my shoulder very pitifully."

"Have they ever spanked you?"

"No."

"See, no harm will come just a little yelling. Go ahead and grub for the worms all you want to. The grass will grow back sometime."

"Another thing I like to do is bark at garbage men. I run up and down inside the fence and really bark. I hope I never do get out because if I got close to those garbage men they'd probably throw me in the truck."

"If you like to bark at garbage men why don't you bark at other people and things?"

"I hadn't thought about that, but as soon as I get back home I'm going to bark at everybody."

"Good for you."

"One thing that I really like to do is bark at the thunder. Every time we have a storm I run around the yard real crazy like and bark at the thunder. Bob and Jerre don't seem to mind if I do that. They stand around and watch and laugh. They say, 'He's getting a good bath out on that rain and I bet he'll sleep good tonight. Tomorrow morning he won't want to move.'"

"They're right. I do get sore and stiff chasing that thunder, but I'm hooked on it. I'm not going to stop."

When Rufus came home after four days in the company of those other dogs, he ran off constantly, gulped his food, barked at everything, dug up the yard every time his masters' backs were turned, and just reared up and laughed when they yelled at him.

In fact he's getting very arrogant and hard to live with. They are probably going to spank that little mutt.

end